The Five Other Types of Facebook Users

By now, everyone has heard of the serial-updater, the drama queen, the too-much-sharer, and the various other types, but we've identified these five lesser-known types of Facebook offenders:

Offense #1: The Chalk Outline: The offenders consist of those people who refuse to upload a photo and have that generic blue and white chalk outline as their profile picture more than a month after setting up their account. Facebook administrators should allow these individuals' friends to post the most unflattering photos they can find of the perpetrator as the profile photo -- and bar the perpetrator from being able to remove or change the photos (hey, it didn't seem to bother you before).

Offense #2: The AWOL profile: Due to peer pressure or a fit of "seemed-like-a-cool-idea-at-the-time," the offender creates a profile and then abandons it. The last update made by the perpetrator is a year or so old. Mandatory deletion of these sorts of profiles is recommended for the sake of reducing the amount of waste floating around the web.

Offense #3: The 24/7 Party Person: Every single photo of this person shows them at various points of inebriation at a club or party with other inebriated people. Sure, they could really be living the high life, but we suspect a little "appear-cooler-than-I-really-am" duplicity. You're not in college any more and nobody cares, dude.

Offense #4: The Inappropriate Friend: This perpetrator is a "friend," but you often find yourself wondering why. His or her offenses include posting questionable links on your profile, using profanity and offensive language, and always commenting on every post you write with some smarmy sound-bite. Because you're friends with this person, others are likely to think you share the same IQ. Dump the attention-seeking clown.

Offense #5: The Name Dropper: This perpetrator’s friends are all celebrities, sports stars, and high-visibility individuals. Given that the overwhelming majority of popular media darlings have thousands of “friends” and will accept just about anyone (if they even monitor their own accounts, that is), this is is no great achievement. It’s not like they’re really your friend (“Hey Clooney, let’s hang on Saturday!”). In the halcyon days of Facebook, this high-end entourage may have seemed impressive. Now, it’s a desperate call for attention.

Can you think of other types of offenders to add to this "alternate" list?

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