Ten Reasons Not to Let Steve Near Social Media

Steve Piersanti, our publisher, has made it official -- he is going to start getting involved with social networking. While this is cause to celebrate in most cases, the staff is concerned about some trends we have already started to see:

1. Constant irritability about not having as many Twitter followers as Justin Bieber.

2. Starts engaging in that annoying practice of one-or two-word updates that make no sense ("Banana car!")

3. Posting sensitive author comments to his blog, "S@*!t My Authors Say."

4. Despises and routinely criticizes other publishers' online presence as "fancy-pants showboating."

5. Nonstop pseudo-humble updates to Facebook like, "Oh wow, an article about little ol' me in this charming small-town paper that no one reads -- the Wall Street Journal."

6. "Friends" other publishers just so he can post smack on their walls.

7. Makes up stories about hanging out with Charlie Sheen.

8. Really rubs it in the staff's faces on rainy days with updates like, "Is it wet outside? I didn't realize. You see, I work at HOME. Nice, warm, not wet HOME. Working in my pyjamas without guessed it, HOME."

9. Hacks into authors' Facebook pages and changes the "People Who Inspire You," "Political Views," and "Activities and Interests" entries to "Steve."

10. Incessant tweets about "that moron executive managing editor."

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